What's the kid in you trying to tell you?

See the little girl in the picture here? That’s me, probably 7 years old, sporting my favorite Halloween costume for many years running when I was a kid: a punk rocker. I’m not even sure I knew what punk rock was, but I certainly loved blue hair dye, big earrings, loads of jewelry and colorful clothing (mostly borrowed from my mom’s closet, as you can probably tell!) Wearing this costume always made me feel cool, spunky, creative, excited…and powerful. In my punk rock persona, I felt like I could take on the world.

As I recall, it was early in my middle school years that my inclination to express my inner punk rocker got stifled by a more pressing desire to fit in, to make myself as “normal” as possible in the interest of not calling attention to myself and thereby possibly inviting ridicule or judgment. I remember going to the mall and bypassing the neon prints and stretch pants I loved in favor of boring but predictably acceptable attire from a few selected labels that were all the rage.

Many years later, I no longer pine to wear the outfits of my childhood but I am keenly aware of the many ways in which the desire to fit in (rather than stand out) has continued to shape my adult life. For me, this has included taking on a series of lucrative jobs that suggested success and accomplishment but often left me feeling bored and uninspired. Many times, I have found myself in situations where I felt uncomfortable with what was happening or disagreed with the prevailing opinion but kept my thoughts to myself for fear of upsetting the wrong person or making myself the target of another's disapproval or wrath. I also lost much of the playfulness and creativity that I now realize is an essential outlet to combat stress and overthinking, as well as an essential part of who I am.

Last year, I left a job that was no longer serving me and took some precious time off to reflect, relax and reconnect with the people and things that inspire and energize me. A huge theme of the past year has been PLAY. Some of the things this has included for me, in no particular order: hiking, swimming, paddling, boating, learning to curl, dancing, singing, live music, plays, writing, ice climbing, improv, chasing my dog at the beach, staging concerts with my niece, making snowmen and snow slides, picking on a guitar, cutting out snowflakes, writing in colored pencil instead of pen...you get the idea. Every time I play, the tension in my body eases and the often incessant chatter in my head quiets down. When was the last time you played and what did you do? How did it feel? If it's been a while, what could you do today or tomorrow to please the kid in you?